— The Nelson Evening Mail, September 8 1908
.

Benedict Cumberbatch reads Oryx magazine.

A piece of pasta (dry) weighs essentially one gram.

A man can only care about so many things.

Labels are for clothes.

In Bosnian there are no words for fiction and non-fiction.

The eating of grapes has killed several Englishmen by throwing them into fluxes and fevers.

Allah does not like hearing the word ‘Allah’.

The shooting schedules in pornography are quite brisk.

Darryl Gerrity loves people, perhaps too much.

Washing machines live longer with cows on.

It’s all kicking off in Jamestown. 

Russian composer Dmitri Kabalevsky died on this day in 1987.

Two childhood friends in Honolulu have recently found out that they are brothers.
.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, January 18 1907
.

Women leaders are more volatile than men.

The cause of alcoholism is unknown.

They’re selling hippy wigs in Woolworths.

In Togoloese, ‘fofo’ means ‘revered big brother’.

White people, lacking community, must make do with property.

If extortionate fares are demanded, as they often are, the Ceylonese rickshaw driver should be asked to produce the fare table, which he is bound to carry; though no one is likely, if well served, to object to an advance, by way of a pourboire, on the strictly legal fare.

Elvis Presley’s last words were: “I’m going to the bathroom to read.”

Nicodemus the sleepwalker is on his way.

The Devil claims the tenth scholar as his due.

In 1928 the Tate Gallery was drenched in mud.

A destitute is someone who will have sex for money.

It is unsafe to have one foot in the world of social media.

There are no heroes without wounds.
.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, October 20 1906
.

‘The is cat washing dishes’ is an 18th-century expression for the reflection of water on the walls of a room.

A skate’s vagina is anatomically similar to a woman’s.

Just because a thing is true does not mean that it need have been.

A field marshal never retires.

By the time Tennessee Williams was 15 he’d lived in 16 different houses.

The code-word for the Egyptian seizure of Suez was ‘de Lesseps’.

One of the Fratellis is called Mince.

Some paper cups are five times stronger than steel.

In 1931 the Soviet Union published an erotic alphabet book to combat literacy. 

The next stop after Canterbury, heading east, is not Chatham.

Casey Affleck’s only recent cinema trip was to take his kids to brother Ben’s Batman v Superman.

Roy William Scranton’s poll has ended.

‘Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!’ is Italian for ‘Merry Christmas’.
.

—
For The Oldie

y
….you
….y
….Yeah

yo
….you
….yo
….You’re

you
….You’re
….you
….your

your
….You’re
….your
….Yours

your[ ]
….Amazon.co.uk
….mum’s
….cruel

your b
….ballbag
….b
….bezzies

your br
….br
….brothers
….brother

your bro
….bro
….brothers
….brother

your brok
….brok
….broken
….book

your broke
….broken
….broke
….bloke

your broken
….broken-down
….broken
….broken-hearted

your broken[ ]
….and
….down
….up

your broken h
….h
….H
….heart

your broken he
….heart
….he
….heh

your broken hea
….hea
….heart
….hear

your broken hear
….heart
….hear
….heat

your broken heart
….
….heart
….heard

NAT. TEL. JESMOND 343.

Imperial Hotel,
Jesmond Road,
Newcastle on Tyne 15th Dec 1907

.
My dear Victor,

…………………..It is my good fortune once more to ask you for your congratulations! This time it is on a very fine appointment as Navigating Officer of H.M.S. “Lord Nelson”, a battleship almost completed, and which is one of the finest in our fleet. I am a lucky young divil I know. The ship, which

p2
is Commanded by a very smart man, is to fly the Flag of the Admiral Commanding the Home Division of the Home Fleet, and my headquarters will therefore revert to the Thames, where I first had the greatest of all good luck — my meeting with the wife! How are things with you all. Accept for yourself and family every sincere good wish which is not

p3
only called forth by this season. (That sounds minced, but I mean they do on all the time!) I meditated a descent on Dublin at Christmas, but stern duty was asleep with one eye open and has intimated that, as I have to take 16,500 tons of stuff to sea for trials on the 8th January, and as a new ship is as much under control as a young wife, that I had better postpone my visits till a more fitting season. Truth to tell the trials are a big

p4
responsibility & anxiety in this foggy season, and I shall heave a sigh of relief if, & when, I bring her safely back and have some knowledge and experience to go on with. Perhaps late on I may slip away and I shall look forward to another yarn with you. In the meantime every good wish to you all from

Your affec. brother,

A.H. Smyth

.

II

Confidential

Copy
Extract from Letter

×  ×  ×  ×

From  – – –  Admiralty
To      – – –  The Commander-in-chief, Grand Fleet.
No     – – –  M. 08900
Date   – – –  7. December, 1915.

×  ×  ×  ×

‘My Lords concur in your opinion that the interception of the “Kristianfjord” reflects great credit on Commander Adrian H. Smyth, and he is to be so informed.’

—

Commander A.H. Smyth, R.N.
H.M.S. “Teutonic”

For information.

(signed) D.R. De Chair
Rear-Admiral

“Alsatian”
9-12-15.

.
I have come, my brother,
over lands and oceans,
to this field of bones
to observe the rituals
of the final hour,
and mumble pointless words
above your ashes.

Misfortune took you from me –
wrong brother,
wrongly taken –
but all the same
I here perform
the old traditions
of our grim forefathers.

I admit it, I am crying.

Now:
to eternity, my brother.
The night is coming
…………– and so goodbye.

(is nearly ready)