— The Nelson Evening Mail, March 14 1907
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Wherever there is a fire that ravages everything in its path, the protea is the first thing to regenerate.

Clive James once voluntarily interviewed the Spice Girls.

Manchester has become ‘Womanchester’.

Cineworld has landed in Weston-super-Mare.

The ‘little people’ have been missing out on the opportunity to turn $250 into a retirement fortune.

Literally no-one knows how household heating works.

They do not, in fact, drink Um Bongo in the Congo. (It’s mostly Coca-Cola out there.)

Bowls commentators call contestants by their first names.

There’s a way to say ‘Sir’ that denotes a deep contempt.

Since becoming President, Donald Trump has been sued over 130 times.

It is impossible to be Oscar Wilde.

Elon Musk, tech entrepreneur, designer, billionaire, and astronaut, is most inspired by Kanye West.

There are currently few patisserie chefs in need of work.
.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, January 22 1907

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The Taliban now control more territory in Afghanistan than they did in 2001.

A castanet is a musical instrument that can be used for fishing.

The Yellow Pages was first printed in 1963.

Sri Lankan violinist and composer Lakshman Joseph de Saram is 36% Viking.

During the Terror of 1793-4, young French aristocrats danced jigs upon the scaffold to signify their contempt for revolutionary justice.

Theresa May gargles jobbies.

The first Playboy interview was a conversation about race between Alex Haley and Miles Davis.

The Icelandic word ‘nostaklígja’ denotes the gall-like taste you get in your mouth before you throw up.

­There are no woodpeckers in Ireland.

D-Day did not actually happen on D-Day.

Trends towards simpler language have been observed in US presidential speeches.

The Khmer king was crowned with a bowler hat decorated with ostrich feathers.

The ‘Musician’s Church’ has closed its doors to those who wish to hire it for concerts and rehearsal sessions.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, June 14 1907

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The Sports Direct on Baker Street has actually closed down.

A fifty-five-legged creature would be a pentekaipentekontapus.

The best way to praise a poet is to write a poem.

Truth is truth and nothing which you can report can affect it in any way, though it may excite the emotions and allay the curiosity of a number of very ineffectual people.

The supposition that it is necessary to feed the Cobra Lily a piece of hamburger or an insect daily is erroneous.

Pairs of prime numbers that are 6 apart are known as ‘sexy primes’.

The battle of Waterloo was won on the playing-fields of Eton.

A man will don his jacket in the same way every day.

It takes thirty seconds to have a dream and thirty minutes to recount it.

Eight billionaires currently possess as much wealth as the world’s 3.6bn poorest inhabitants.

The United States Dictionary of Occupational Titles does not account for being a ‘Philosopher’.

Scuba divers roll backwards off boats because if they rolled forwards they would just go into the boat.

The code words in the system are pure guesswork. 

— The Nelson Evening Mail, July 28 1906

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International rugby union referee Nigel Owens wears Superman pants while he’s officiating.

The Iraqi army is about to defeat Islamic State.

There’s no playbook for how to be a guy.

In 1947 a United States Congressional report titled ‘Fascism in Action’ listed Alexander Hamilton as an intellectual inspiration for the Nazis.

One in three jumps races this season have been won by five or more lengths.

Joseph Stalin’s granddaughter runs an antique shop in Portland, OR.

The first wicket ever taken by the Authors CC was a stumping off a wide ball.

In Hong Kong, Masters of the High Court are addressed as ‘Master’.

Wagner never owned his own jet.

The tropical Rafflesia arnoldii reproduces with the help of ants and carrion flies.

Put an upside-down saucer in a pan of milk and it won’t boil over.

Successful applicants to the BBC Journalism Trainee Scheme could find themselves working on Victoria Derbyshire.

The new Charles Dickens book is now available.

How do I explain to the tortoise
that I am even slower than he is?

How should I quiz the flea
about his championship statistics?

Or address the carnations,
in my appreciation of their fragrance?