— The Nelson Evening Mail, Thursday, September 6 1906
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Prince Gunarasa Casinader died in December 2018.

Poetry and buggery are twin-born brats.

Most people have no Russian friends.

Elephants chew their nails when they’re nervous.

In Istanbul, iron nails are believed to be the work of the Devil.

Diderot’s smile is a smile of complicity.

Short legs can’t climb tall walls.

Walter Benjamin couldn’t make a cup of tea.

43% of churches face the sunrise on the day of the saint for whom the church was named.

James Joyce’s grandson has died.

Sri Lankans love their exclamation marks!

You have to question a door policy which says no to trainers but a big thumbs-up t0 piss-soaked tramp shoes.

The face book need never be complete.
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— The Nelson Evening Mail, July 17 1908
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Nobody ever thinks they’re stupid.

All homes bear ethnic odours.

Some bags look the same.

There’s no point putting shackles on Quinton de Kock.

You don’t get many Mini Eggs for a pound no more.

The UK is leaving the European Union.

There is a place called ‘Yarm’.

This generation of alpacas are certainly at home in the Amber Valley.

Bruno Mars is auditioning for the role of Michael Jackson.

The word ‘mortgage’ comes from the French for ‘death pledge’.

If you spit blood you may have gum disease.

Canada keeps maple syrup in its global strategic reserves. It costs 30 times the price of oil.

Extreme weather conditions may extend response time.
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