— The Nelson Evening Mail, November 1 1906
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The German word for ‘train’ is ‘Schienengefuhrtes Sonderzug mit feststehender Lokomotive’.

Bathtime is a good time for kicking.

Margaret Atwood’s real name is OW Toad.

The first President of Zimbabwe was a Methodist minister called Canaan Banana.

Marais Erasmus is currently the best-paid cricket umpire.

Lurchers sleep a lot.

Henry VIII’s sixth wife collaborated with Thomas Tallis to rally her husband for war.

Exercise makes you look better naked. So does tequila.

Helpful Books have misspelled their name in their e-mail address.

Cadets at the Virginia Military Institute are issued Howl and other poems by Allen Ginsberg.

Yakult was discovered by a mystical order of Scandinavian monks.

The magnitude of human suffering down the centuries is somewhat quantifiable.

Juliet Stevenson will skin your rabbits for an extra tenner.
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— The Nelson Evening Mail, August 31 1906

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There is a typo in Punjabi birth certificates.

Since January 2013, a Russian cruise ship has been drifting unmanned in the North Atlantic.

Toxic trolls are pushing Vicky and Ferne too far.

Jan Ladislav Dussek is the fattest composer on records.

The 50^th Annual Spring Lunch of the Concrete Society (London & South East Region) will be held this Friday at the KIA Oval. Tickets £90+VAT.

Richard Dawkins’ real first name is ‘Clinton’.

In the 1600s, some doctors recommended their patients fart in jars to help treat exposure to the bubonic plague.

Only one person can make instant coffee at a time.

In sudden leaps the flexible tiger appears.

A Melchizedek holds the equivalent of 40 standard bottles of wine.

Reasons for admission to the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum (1864-1889) included ‘bad whiskey’, ‘masturbation for 30 years’, and ‘novel reading’.

Every Mother’s Day needs a Mother’s Night.

Americans do not have kettles.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, March 21 1907

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When you register your child at birth, it immediately becomes the legal property of the state.

In WW2 German physicists were able to discern the weather conditions in London from the tolling of Big Ben broadcast on the BBC.

Male kangaroos flex their biceps to impress their females.

Sir Nicholas Gimcrack died from a fever brought on by chasing a butterfly.

A man in Thailand believes a 10-foot cobra is the reincarnation of his deceased girlfriend. They go to the gym together.

Former England rugby hooker Brian Moore is a qualified nail manicurist.

In February 1643, Dutch colonists massacred members of the Lenape tribe at Bowling Green.

When Samuel Beckett’s eyesight faded he played his favourite golf courses from memory.

They have the Queen’s English in Inverness.

Award-winning children’s author Anthony McGowan once lost two children while drunk in charge of a creche.

‘post-truth’ is now included in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Every one percent unemployment goes up, 40,000 people die.

All people who like musical theatre are divs.