— The Nelson Evening Mail, Monday, July 13 1908
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A gold coin celebrating the assassination of Julius Caesar has been auctioned for more than $3m dollars.

50% of a man’s hair is gone before it becomes noticeable.

Good socialists need not refuse a good cigar if it is offered them.

Sri Lanka has one of the highest suicide rates in the world.

The suspension of Jeremy Corbyn is a factional attack that has undermined the fight against antisemitism.

Esperanto was created by Doktoro Esperanto.

South Yorkshire Police Operations Complex is on Letsby Avenue.

A gun is 22 times more likely to be used on yourself or a family member than on a home invader.

Sweden has increased its military budget by 40%.

The Democrats are taking quite a lead all over.

Many Indians have arranged-cum-love marriages.

Oreo have built a doomsday vault to protect their cookies from an asteroid.

The boulder is the truth that great men know by instinct. The mountain is the stupidity of mankind.

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—
For the Sri Lankan Sunday Times

— The Nelson Evening Mail, October 4 1906
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The beheading of the sperm whale is a scientific anatomical feat, upon which experienced whale surgeons very much pride themselves.

Great lips take hydration and balls.

Pease pudding has been flagged up by airport security on more than one occasion.

There is a place in China called Asbestos County.

At 35, 139, Labour MP Diane Abbott’s majority in 2017 was greater than the total number of General Election votes Nigel Farage has received in his entire career.

Zmas rushes towards us like a slavering one-eyed hell-hound.

A suspected thief in Mumbai has been fed 36 bananas in an attempt to recover stolen property.

The Celler can rock. Yes.

House, M.D. is the most popular TV show worldwide.

A young man from Torbay has, on a long boat trip to the Far East, found himself the object of the amorous intentions of a gorilla.

Richard II was a Free Brother.

The Swedish have no verb for ‘to bowl a cricket ball’.

Bognor’s ‘wrong Theresa May’ is awaiting an apology from Donald Trump.
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— The Nelson Evening Mail, January 21 1907
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The record for the fastest hole in golf is 32.7 seconds.

Acres of quiet farmland set a peaceful scene.

‘Bert’ is like a maniac’s name.

Nurses in American hospitals read magazine articles on anal foreplay.

In Covent Garden there is a chocolate elephant that costs £900.

Not all Sinhalese people beat up Muslims.

Smooth Radio has a playlist of approximately eight songs.

The commander of the SAS unit in the 1980 Iranian embassy hostage crisis was called Hector.

Only 5% of reality is explained.

There are people who watch WWE wrestling and believe that it is real.

A 40-year-old woman has set off metal detectors in Athens airport, by wearing a chastity belt.

Tarjei Vesaas was nominated for a Nobel Prize thirty times.

It is unforgivable to be good only at your subject.
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For The First Post.

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* no, that line didn’t make the edit.