—
For the Sri Lankan Sunday Times

—
For The Critic

— The Nelson Evening Mail, December 1 1906
  .

Coleraine Blackjack is the cheapest porter in the world.

Thomas Nelson was a quintuple agent, serving South Africa, East Africa, West Africa, Australia, and Canada.

You gotta peculate to accumulate.

Bruce Chatwin will release no further books.

In February, the London murder rate overtook New York’s.

In Roman times there was a set price for a slave’s loincloth (new).

Hyenas are the only mammals without vaginas.

Ben Affleck does not have a back tattoo.

The River Dart flows down and down until it meets the West Dart, sending pebbles rolling.

The Cuban flag hasn’t changed since 1902.

Austrian-born philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein invented the emoji.

To use Age of Empires, you need: multimedia PC with Pentium 90 or higher processor; Microsoft Windows® 95 operating system or Windows NT® Workstation operating system version 4.0 with Service Pack 3; 16 MB of RAM for Windows 95; 24 MB RAM for Windows NT; 80 MB of available hard-disk space; 50 MB of available hard-disk for swap file; double-speed CD-ROM drive for gameplay; quad-speed CD-ROM drive for cinematics; Local Bus Super VGA video display (with 1MB VRAM); Microsoft Mouse or compatible pointing device; sound board plus speakers or headphones to hear audio; 28.8 Kbps modem for head-to-head play. 

In Colombo you can buy healthcare gift-certificates.
.

—
For The Oldie

— The Nelson Evening Mail, January 6 1909
.

In LA there is a chess set designed for the East India Company, featuring Sikh soldiers vs Afghans.

Among a certain kind of people, being ‘passionate about Israel/Palestine’ is usually a substitute for having any actual political thought.

During WWII, in Germany, a Django Reinhardt record was worth 2kgs of butter on the black market.

A sailor has a tattoo of a swallow for every 5,000 nautical miles he has travelled.

Sam Lewis Craft has been named the Rain Men Player of the Year.

Alfred the Great of England believed that a thorough grounding in the liberal arts was essential for those called to exercise judgement and authority.

A South Benfleet millionaire has revealed how she earns £1,472/hr.

A town in Iceland has painted 3D zebra crossings in an attempt to slow down speeding cars.

Bobby Kennedy had an affair with Marilyn Monroe, then had her killed by Communists.

Truth is harder to bear than ignorance, and so ignorance is valued more.

Brett Dean’s new opera, Hamlet, contains precisely zero tunes.

The Fuegian word ‘mamihlapintafoi’ means ‘(two people) looking at each other, hoping that either will offer to do something which both parties desire but are unwilling to do’.

In 2017 over half the people living in absolute poverty work for a living.
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2) ‘You can’t get your childhood back but you can recreate it! Check out these awesome recreation photos.’

3) ‘Wanna see a real-life Barbie doll? This is not Photoshopped! You’ve gotta see this to believe it’

4) ‘Watch Miley Cyrus transform before your eyes… Hard to believe it’s the same person in all these pics!’

5) ‘Trying to win a girl’s heart? You MUST read these tips first – We bet you didn’t know #6!’

6) ‘Fox Village Is Probably The Cutest Place On Earth!’

7) ‘WTF Wedding Pictures! I can’t believe these are real wedding photos!’

8) ‘Would you ever pose intimately with a stranger? These people did! #9 will make you laugh!’

9) ‘Better Options At Quarterback For The Jets’

10) ‘We’ve all heard #11, but some of these lies men tell might surprise you!’

11) ‘Understanding this will make your life easier: Girlfriends Logic’

12) ‘Why would anyone announce their pregnancy via text? It’s probably not a good idea!’

13) ‘These Piercings Take Pain to a New Level! Why would you put a hole there?’

14) ‘Ugly ducking celebs: I can’t believe Taylor Swift used to look like this!’

15) ‘WTF strikes again! These tattoos are cringeworthy.’

16) ‘Think u know all there is to know about kissing? Think u can identify these kisses? Go ahead and try them, if u dare.’

17) ‘This Is Why Women Live Longer Than Men 😀 These guys are all probably dead. (Not really dead)’

18) ‘I must wish Morrissey a happy birthday!’

19) ‘When it comes to relationships, technology is not always your friend. Make sure you send to the right person’