—
For the Sri Lankan Sunday Times

— The Nelson Evening Mail, Friday, January 18 1907
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Ethiopia has exported its first avocados by train.

The Communist Party banned photocopiers.

More geese than swans now live.

In Brazil there is a butterfly that uses its legs for running.

All Pakistani things are under one roof.

Cecil Court is never dull.

Alastair Cook took just one wicket in his entire test career.

The Saracens taught us how to preserve our dead.

‘Sealioning’ is a type of trolling or harassment in the form of incessant bad-faith invitations to engage in debate.

William Huskisson MP was the first person to die as the result of a railway accident.

Lots of proletarians wear overcoats nowadays.

Zulu IPA is brewed in Great Britain.

Beatles fans pray facing towards Macca.

.

—
For Queen Mob’s Tea House

—
For Queen Mob’s Tea House

— The Nelson Evening Mail, October 20 1906
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‘The is cat washing dishes’ is an 18th-century expression for the reflection of water on the walls of a room.

A skate’s vagina is anatomically similar to a woman’s.

Just because a thing is true does not mean that it need have been.

A field marshal never retires.

By the time Tennessee Williams was 15 he’d lived in 16 different houses.

The code-word for the Egyptian seizure of Suez was ‘de Lesseps’.

One of the Fratellis is called Mince.

Some paper cups are five times stronger than steel.

In 1931 the Soviet Union published an erotic alphabet book to combat literacy. 

The next stop after Canterbury, heading east, is not Chatham.

Casey Affleck’s only recent cinema trip was to take his kids to brother Ben’s Batman v Superman.

Roy William Scranton’s poll has ended.

‘Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker!’ is Italian for ‘Merry Christmas’.
.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, September 8 1908

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Ben Stokes is the sixth Englishman to have his name on the honours boards at Lord’s for both batting and bowling.

The smell of hot food is not very common on building sites.

Annalise was stunning in Neighbours. But what she looks like now is insane.

Irish people ended up in Kilburn because the Holyhead train came into Euston and the Fishguard train came into Paddington.

The bite of a tarantula can be cured by musick.

The National Health Service will be £350m better off per week after Britain’s withdrawal from the European Union.

In South Africa there is a town called Nilstrom, because the Afrikans voortrekkers thought that they had found the Nile.

Sebastian Faulks takes his own alcohol to Iceland.

The first American performance of Peter Grimes was conducted by Leonard Bernstein.

A man in Reading is celebrating after his penis is confirmed as being the longest in the world.

The Chinese invented gunpowder while searching for the elixir of life.

Big hair don’t care.

The paraphrast draws only from the Book of Daniel.

— The Nelson Evening Mail, September 27 1906

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The French king Louis XIII was known as ‘the Just’ because he was born under the sign of the Libra.

Maxwell Branning is reported to have caused the Walford bus crash.

The original name for Ian Fleming’s Goldeneye estate was to have been ‘Shame Lady’.

An early form of the asterisk was used by Aristarchus to identify lines replicated between the Iliad and Odyssey.

A weekly bulletin of international news is broadcast in Latin by Finland’s Yleisradio Oy, on Friday evenings. Pronunciation is classical.

‘Ananias’, ‘Azarias’ and ‘Misael’ refer to the same Biblical characters as ‘Shadrach’, ‘Meshach’ and ‘Abednego’.

Ceylon tea is now more expensive to produce than it is worth on the international market.

The Quaggy River flows 17 miles through the South-East London boroughs of Bromley, Greenwich, and Lewisham.

A standard-class one-way ticket from Ashford, Kent, to Ashford, Surrey, costs £34.10, off-peak.

The people of the South Sudan believe that the moon is the property of the white man.

Don Quixote was printed in a first edition of 400 copies. Most of them were despatched to the Americas, where they were lost in a shipwreck off the coast of Cuba.

Stephanie Davis says Jeremy McConnell is 100% the father of her son.

…

Are you happy to vote for Jason?

…

Are. you. going. to. put. your. hand. up. when. they. call. his. name!?