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My literary career thus far – as narrated by the Shipping Forecast

becoming moderate.

Occasionally very poor.

Our foreign colleagues

Review of Tell Spring Not to Come This Year.

For The Spectator

A dedication


Among the many achievements which exemplify the reign of your august father, His Majesty Fouad I, the mapping of the Libyan Desert must surely take pride of place.

This enormous expanse of sand, covering almost two thirds of the Kingdom, incorporated vast unexplored regions, maps of which showed little more than a series of empty spaces. Exploration by camel caravan was slow, difficult, and dangerous: only a handful of expeditions followed that undertaken by Rohlfs by command of Khedive Ismail, Your Majesty’s illustrious grandfather. Under the reign of the late King Fouad I, Ahmed Hassanein Bey completed a further two journeys on camelback that will remain forever famous.

But it is the petrol-driven engine which has ultimately rendered possible the conquest of the Libyan Desert. And this has been, quite fittingly, the accomplishment of the Royal Family of Egypt – one of whose noblest sons, His Royal Highness Prince Kemal al Din Hussein, dedicated to this task the final years of a life which all too soon was over. It is in the footsteps of this great explorer that the author of the present book has sought to bring to an appropriate conclusion an endeavour that harsh destiny denied to him who had both conceived of and embarked upon it with such inexhaustible energy and unstinting enthusiasm.

The patronage and moral encouragement of the late King Fouad I made possible the completion of the work which forms the subject of this volume; but Divine Providence did not see fit to permit the author to offer it before the feet of the Grand Sovereign.

It is, therefore, to Your Majesty, his son and successor to his glorious reign, that I make so bold as to dedicate this work, respectfully beseeching that you accept it as a proof and humble token of my profound and everlasting gratitude.

- L. E. de Almásy

Love letter (hi/hi!/hey there/info)

Whats’s up/Hey cutie/hottie/handsom,

I saw you on a match/dating site sometime last week,
i got some/sum goodpic/goodpix/naughtypic/dirtypix/freakypic 4/for you/ya..

message/sms/txt/text my num/numbr/# real quick/fast
its 1-208-621-5702/848~565~2757/+12089036473/702.847.0394/702~729~2770.

I’m/Im just a 23/24/25 year old gal/female.
Im/I’m looking to meet new guys/friends/people and maybe hookup.

message/txt/sms/text me if/when you/u get a min/chance/moment plz/please.

Two Chinese Texts

(for Dominic Hilton)

i)  Your seat is empty this evening…

ii)  Who, then, will eat the avocado?

Blessed are the speechmakers?

A back-handed tribute to President William Henry Harrison.

For The Spectator

How the Empire fell

My Samsung Galaxy tablet (3)
just turned ‘KCMG’
into ‘KPMG’.

Fools’ Charter

A trip to see all four surviving originals of the Magna Carta.

For The Spectator

AMOK – haiku

Tell it like it is -
I went for my usual walk
- tell it like it was

* verbatim lines from ‘Judge, Jury and Executioner’ by Atoms For Peace

Eine subtitled mississippianische Re-post (nach Williams)

Have you read
Humorous Elements 
in the Short Stories and Novels 
of the Southern Writer
Eudora Welty
… in German?

Ja, Darling!

* a (reverse) translation of Jonathan Williams’ ‘A Subtle Mississippian Riposte (for L.Z.)’ in Louis Zukofsky, or whoever someone else thought he was: a collection of responses to the work of Louis Zukofsky, ed. Harry Gilonis