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How the Empire fell

My Samsung Galaxy tablet (3)
just turned ‘KCMG’
into ‘KPMG’.

Fools’ Charter

A trip to see all four surviving originals of the Magna Carta.


For The Spectator

AMOK – haiku

Tell it like it is -
I went for my usual walk
- tell it like it was


* verbatim lines from ‘Judge, Jury and Executioner’ by Atoms For Peace

Eine subtitled mississippianische Re-post (nach Williams)

Have you read
Humorous Elements 
in the Short Stories and Novels 
of the Southern Writer
Eudora Welty
… in German?

Ja, Darling!


* a (reverse) translation of Jonathan Williams’ ‘A Subtle Mississippian Riposte (for L.Z.)’ in Louis Zukofsky, or whoever someone else thought he was: a collection of responses to the work of Louis Zukofsky, ed. Harry Gilonis

A motto for mine own generation

habitabamus domum magnam

‘Beyond describing’

A documentary about a documentary about the Holocaust – reviewed.


For The Spectator

Junk mail poem

This trick makes young women fuck you
(recovered 5:42pm, Thursday 29th January, 2015)

You can use this trick on a girl you know
right now – or you can use it on a completely
NEW woman to get her horny.

It doesn’t matter how old you are or what
you look like because this trick gets her
so soaking wet and turned on that she
doesn’t even CARE.

She just HAS to fuck you.

Click The Link to Watch The Video

Questions – LXIII (after Neruda)

How is the translation of their languages
agreed upon with the birds?

How do I explain to the tortoise
that I am even slower than he is?

How should I quiz the flea
about his championship statistics?

Or address the carnations,
in my appreciation of their fragrance?

The Pikey Laureate introduces Whitman to the high street

O ye women who go down
unto the Co-Op in your onesies:

What do you think you look like!?

Debriefed by Captain Underpants

A day out in darkest South Wimbledon, with David Gandy and Rich Hardcastle.


For The Spectator