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Monthly Archives: January 2015

Junk mail poem

This trick makes young women fuck you (recovered 5:42pm, Thursday 29th January, 2015) You can use this trick on a girl you know right now – or you can use it on a completely NEW woman to get her horny. It doesn’t matter how old you are or what you look like because this trick [...]

Questions – LXIII (after Neruda)

How is the translation of their languages agreed upon with the birds? How do I explain to the tortoise that I am even slower than he is? How should I quiz the flea about his championship statistics? Or address the carnations, in my appreciation of their fragrance?

The Pikey Laureate introduces Whitman to the high street

O ye women who go down unto the Co-Op in your onesies: What do you think you look like!?

Debriefed by Captain Underpants

A day out in darkest South Wimbledon, with David Gandy and Rich Hardcastle. – For The Spectator

I’ll play along (after Da Ponte)

You wanna dance, you little count? You wanna dance? If you really wanna dance then I’ll dig out the banjo. Why not? I’ll play along with you. If you wanna learn how I’ll even show you the moves: I could teach you a thing or two. I will, I will – I promise! But gently [...]

Translator’s Note (after Khemiri, after Heti, after Valtat, after Coetzee, after Nooteboom, after Martin, after Kierkegaard)

What I would like to say by way of introduction to my essays on the art of writing, by A.B.C.D.E.F. Godthaab* (* Bear with me, please, while I endeavour to explain what is going on here.) . Twelve years ago, I wrote, with considerable emotional anguish, a long novel about a war against the languages. [...]