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Tag Archives: Canada

Did The English Patient send me to Afghanistan?

Two nights from now, by way of (ahem) a birthday present, I will be attending a live-orchestra screening of The English Patient at the Albert Hall. I had invited an old friend, a raven-haired young lady (named in Debrett’s) of impossibly romantic tendency, who first exposed me to the film in, I’d say, about 1998 [...]

NEWS AT A GLANCE

. There are more Jews in New York than there are in Germany, Great Britain, France, Italy, Spain, and Switzerland put together. They worship in 37 synagogues. Every fifth person belongs to the family of Abraham. — The Nelson Evening Mail, December 1 1906   . Coleraine Blackjack is the cheapest porter in the world. Thomas Nelson [...]

NEWS AT A GLANCE

. High top boots for dogs are now being sold in the shops of New York. — The Nelson Evening Mail, January 23 1907 . The first pedestrian has been killed by a self-driving car. Starbucks employees do not capitalise their As. The sound of the bagpipe fattens the sheep and lambs of all Arabia. [...]

NEWS AT A GLANCE

. A blind chameleon cannot change its colour. — The Nelson Evening Mail, July 17 1908 . Nobody ever thinks they’re stupid. All homes bear ethnic odours. Some bags look the same. There’s no point putting shackles on Quinton de Kock. You don’t get many Mini Eggs for a pound no more. The UK is [...]

NEWS AT A GLANCE

. The province of Quebec has a wooden railway 20 miles in length. The rails are of maple. This railway is used for hauling timber. — The Nelson Evening Mail, November 1 1906 . The German word for ‘train’ is ‘Schienengefuhrtes Sonderzug mit feststehender Lokomotive’. Bathtime is a good time for kicking. Margaret Atwood’s real name is [...]

NEWS AT A GLANCE

. Though Russia is fast developing her oil lands, the United States produces more petroleum than all the rest of the world. — The Nelson Evening Mail, June 22 1912 . In English maritime law a ship is not ‘wrecked’ if the cat survives. Ezra Pound heard many performances of the Bellringers’ Guild. Kale is a [...]

‘Hockey puck’ (or; A poet’s frame of reference)

I I like to have my steaks done ‘like a hockey puck’. Sometimes I actually say this to the waiters (though not in French restaurants, admittedly.) II In Ethiopia, some ‘baristas’ knock used coffee grounds out onto the bare-earth floors. Flat, round, and black. ‘Like a hockey puck,’ I tell people. III I used to play [...]

Canada (or – Better call the calling off)

You say ketchup; I say tomato sauce. You say tomato; In Hindi they say tamatar. I say ‘tamatar’; You say ‘eh?’