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Category Archives: Fictions

Text

Sorry. That wasn’t supposed to come out like that. (Or – it was; but not so much.)

IT consultant

Ctrl.-Alt.-Delete.? Still nothing? Oh.

Troubles with women

– M turned up at work today, and cried. – N miscarried, and didn’t.

Periodically

About once a month our sex-life tails off, and I wonder if she doesn’t love me any more.

pudendum

In the shower, my girlfriend makes me turn away while she shaves between her legs. Perhaps I’m supposed to believe her ex-‘s initials grow there naturally.

Opening line

We were in a car-crash, you and I.

L’elisir d’amore

To celebrate her going on the pill we uncorked a good bottle of wine.   Afterwards, I couldn’t get it up.

A sympathetic reminder from the eco lobby, in this, your time of mourning

The ocean is miles away. (Think of the carbon footprint!) Why not have your relatives gather round the downstairs toilet and dump the ashes there?

Storyteller

They did not believe his story until he gave them alternatives.* — * Alt. ending: ‘until he gave them no alternative.’

On looking at the dodo with Dom

See that? he said. That’s your ex-bird, that is.